images (1)My Vision

I pictured sitting in my birth pool, Jack Johnson playing in the background, and lavender candles burning. Bringing my beautiful girl earth-side, in my home, with my husband to catch her was my dream for her birth. All of that sounded beautiful to me.

Labor and Birth-Count On The Unexpected!

Wednesday morning, I got up and figured that I still had a few weeks to go until the birth of our daughter. I had a few Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the day and thought nothing of it. I went to my Bradley Method Childbirth class with Liza After asking me a few questions, she informed me that they were actually Early Labor contractions and told me to go home. Yippee!

Thursday morning around 2am, the contractions became stronger, longer, and consistent. My husband decided to call the midwife around 8 AM. I wasn’t due for 2 more weeks and my midwife was on vacation. So her back up midwife came instead. We were disappointed but we had no choice.

They were excited and told me I was already dilated to 5 cm. and that everything was going great. I alternated laboring in the birth pool and the bed, and tried to relax as much as I could. Only a short time had passed and the student midwife checked me again and I was already at 7 cm!

“Famous Last Words”

I thought to myself,  “Wow, this is pretty easy! ”

I ate papaya and honey sticks as often as I could. That was all that sounded good to me. I was managing to get this food down but felt anything more would make me vomit.The midwife kept insisting that I try to eat yogurt. I had told her repeatedly, “I know my body and if I do, I will vomit.” She continued to insist. I ate, and I of course, vomited.

She was making me upset. She was not listening to me. I did not feel comfortable with her. There was no warm fuzzy feeling from her and it was interfering with my labor.

She had me get into the shower, she checked baby’s heartbeat and then she told me that it was ok to get back into the birth pool. It felt like, instantly, after I got into the water, she wanted to check the heartbeat again. She couldn’t hear the fetal heart tones because of my position. She must have panicked, and yelled at me “Get out of the pool or your baby will die”. Again, her manner and approach to me was very distressing. The student midwife checked again and concluded that all was fine. Thank God the student midwife was there. She was like an Angel sent to protect me. If she hadn’t been there, labor would have gone downhill fast! I labored the whole day and only progressed to 8 cm! It started to feel like I had no breaks in my contractions at all. The midwife became anxious and agitated. She was calling other midwives for advice and I could hear the conversations clearly. My impression was that she had lost confidence. She came across as unskilled and unprofessional.

I Lost Faith In Myselfimages (2)

As a result, I began to feel like I couldn’t do it. Everything Liza had told me in class left my head. I lost faith in myself. I lost faith in the process of labor and birth. I had worked so hard to have my perfect birth, and it wasn’t happening.  In reality, I had become so delirious from not sleeping and not having any breaks between contractions, it took very little to “lose it”. I doubted myself and the midwife’s ability to help me bring my baby earth-side, safely.

My husband was amazing and had been by my side the whole time.  He continued to coach me and assure me I could do this. He held me when I trembled with each contraction. It seemed they would never end. If not for my husband and the Student Midwife “Angel”, my experience would have been so much

Time To Go To The Hospital

Saturday night, we finally decided to go to the hospital.  I felt hopeless, and like a complete failure for not being able to have my sweet baby at home.

The first thing the doctor said to me was, “So, you’re going to have a C-section!”

“Uhhhh, no I am not! I have not been in labor this long to end up with a C-section!  I will have as close to a natural birth as possible!”

I was so exhausted and needed rest. So, I got an epidural. The doctor was making me feel as bad as the midwife had. She didn’t listen to anything I wanted. I was happy to see her shift change. I, then, got an amazing doctor who said he was going to let me birth the way I felt comfortable, and he wasn’t going to push interventions.

Then, his shift changed! The first doctor came in again. She had her own agenda. She made me feel the same way the midwife made me feel. I only felt supported and protected by the “Angel” Student Midwife and my husband. Finally, I had dilated to 10 cm and began to push. The first doctor came back in the room just in time to catch my sweet little girl, and toss my placenta out. I was mortified. I was planning on placenta encapsulation. She said, “Congrats!” and walked out. Never did I see the woman again; never do I want to.

My Birth Went Nothing As Planned

My sweet little girl greeted us earth-side at 7:15 Sunday morning. My birth went nothing as planned. It was daunting and traumatic. But I knew everything was in God’s hands. My little girl is perfect!  She just had to be sure to make a dramatic entrance! I don’t know if I’ll plan a home birth next time. But if I do, I will make sure my midwife has no plans to go anywhere around my due date!download

Written by Anonymous, edited by Liza